Roleplaying Troubles

I haven't had a really successfull game in... In a very long time. Most of the time, it's a combination of a bunch of reasons, some trivial, others not so much, but I think it boils down to two things:

I suck, and so do my players.

I realize, a large part of the current situation is my fault. I am, bluntly put, a lazy fuck. I don't prepare for my games, my attention span is really bad as far as games are concerned and I spend too much time on the internet. (Yeah, the irony...) Now, some of those are taste things (I don't prepare much because I prefer to riff of the players input, for example.) and I also don't have as much time as I'd like. (It feels as if Zivildienst is sucking me dry.) But that doesn't change the fact that I think I'm a lazy GM. At the very least, I could try to get this gaming ADS under control.

Of course, I haven't exactly been gifted with players either. I love them dearly and they are all my friends or more, but I'll be damned if they aren't just as lazy as I am. Sometimes it feels as if I'm the only one who actually wants to play. Oh, who am I kidding, it feels like that most of the time. To their defense, it's hard to be enthusiastic if you don't have anything to work with. (With me being too lazy to preapare much.) But maybe actually reading the damn books would help with getting enthusiastic about the game!!! (Yeah, they're that lazy. No, I can't kill them and take their stuff, they're friends.)

So where does that leave me? I have a group of players who aren't enthusiastic about the games I'd like to run because I'm not willing to their work for them and they are too lazy to read up the settings and rules for themselves. And because they're not enthusiastic about the games, I don't get the player input I need to be creative and thus can't really produce anything to them to really hook them. Great, we have an Impasse. -_-;;

Obviously I could try and shape up, getting my ass in gear and start to work on my "GM who does all the work for the passive group" act, but that's easier said than done. Not only am I lazy (And thsu reluctant to stop being lazy. ^_^), I also HATE this style of gaming with the passion of a thousand suns. I hate, HATE, HATE it!!! I don't want to do all the players work and I don't see it as my job to fucking entertain them! We're all in this to have fun and that also means we should share some of the work and responsability. I want a group of equals not a passive audience. I want players willing to work with me, players that realize that we're all responsible for each others fun just as much as our own. I want active players.

Which leads me to the next option: I could try to find new players. Again, easier said then done. Looking for new players would probably be like wading in a pool of Shit to find the diamonds somebody threw in it. I'd have to find players, I'd have to contact them, I'd have to meet them to see if it looks like we might be compatible and then I'd have to play with them to see if we actually are. And, judging from my experience with the gaming community and past efforts to find a group through online means, the chances of finding agroup of players that are (1) willing to be active, (2) willing to play the games I like and (3) people I'd like to socialise with outside of a game (I don't game with people I don't like. I may be desperate but I'm not that desperate.) are pretty slim.

So, what am I going to do? Well, I'll try my best with the players I have, I'll try to shape up myself and maybe, just maybe, things wll even work out.

Mood: Foul. Sad. Whatever. Currently Listening to: Some mixed playlist...